Monday, May 03, 2010
|12:52 AM|
|12:52 AM|
.Strange.
You know, instead of complaining so much. I should really chant more. And in fact, isn't it like what I said? Time was the only factor that I needed to heal the wounds. Am I really back? Has my life-condition went back? Have I have no more complains for my TBZs? Colin today said that, I'm back. I don't know, I didn't even know when I left and came back. But after this whole incident. I've a very very weird feeling. It feels like, I'm not like the old KaiYang during ITAC days anymore. I tried to get it back, but the more I try, the further it is away from me. Maybe its just pointless for me to do. And frankly speaking, I feel super lame and childish myself nowadays. Is it because of Ariel? Or is it because I'm not the youngest anymore? Or Is it because I've grown up? Or maybe I just like that? But does that really matters? Doesn't what matters is what is coming up next? Isn't like what I said to PC? Whats most important, is only to stay in Gakkai all the way. Why do we even do so much? Or does it really matters how much results we did? Or it matters more, how much heart we poured? Or is it only how much efforts we made? It just really feels strange and funny. How about this? Just fight and don't even calculate how much efforts or heart we put in, just keep telling ourselves, we're doing for the sake of sensei and if we can do more, we'll do more. Maybe that is a better way for us to think? Life feels so funny yet strange nowadays. I don't know why but kept feeling I've been all the way chasing for relative happiness and I'm tired of it. Previously, I kept telling myself that, maybe I should just quit TG4, maybe I should just leave YOG together with Ivan and FH if they really want, maybe I should just put aside NYPSD stuffs and focus on my studies, maybe I shouldn't even have told WeiFeng that I want to join Bamboo Production, maybe I should spend more time with my parents, maybe I should talk to my brother even more, maybe I should chant more and don't care anything else. Maybe I should just join back FBodz. Frankly speaking, I've no answers to if I've made the right choice or not, I'll only know my answers in months or even years later. Maybe I was right? Maybe I'm just wrong. But we really never knew. Maybe people will just tell you, "I think if you have strong conviction and confidence in yourself, you'll be able to actualize what you choose to be the right choice". And maybe I just lack of this strong conviction and more importantly the confidence. And guess what? I think I really lost it. The other day, Nicholas asked me to discuss with him about Flint Kenshu 2. I just felt that, I really have no confidence in doing it. I... I... I don't know... I just feel that... Maybe I shouldn't take the lead and screw up the whole thing... I don't have that mindset of, "Who cares! Just wack and see how later!". Not anymore... Nowadays I just like, can you definite what you mean by your question? Its like, I just want to carefully double checking everything people ask me, and not make any mistakes. I feel fake sometimes...
.Best Friend.
Looking and how Pei Cong and Vanessa called each other Best Friend at TG, reminds me of something. Its quite a strange thing. I haven't been using this phrase for quite a few years already. I didn't really wanted to use it, after that 'person' anymore. I felt really funny and strange. But... you know. A few years ago, you asked me, whether are you counted as one of my Best Friend. I said, "Sorry, you aren't really". Today, just when I wanna let you know, "Yeah, you're really my Best Friend". You gave me a feeling that you wanna say to me, "Sorry, you aren't really". Even when we talked, it just doesn't have the same feeling... anymore... It just feels so strange, a sense of guiltiness and regret. Its KARMA right? Something that you did and now you get it back. Haha. So am I still your Best Friend?
SSA
Singapore Soka Association is a Buddhist organisation established to promote understanding and practice of Buddhism. Buddhism teaches that every individual has the potential to become enlightened in his or her lifetime. Each person has within, the power to overcome life's challenges, to live a life of value and be a positive influence in one's community, society and the world. Soka in Chinese means Value Creation. Please go SSA Website for more info.
FBodz
Having dance as my passion. Foreign Bodies is the hip hop/street dance club in NYP that I just joined. Not much performance now. I'll update more next time! More updates are in Foreign Bodies Blog
SRN
Every month, we'll have our district discussion meetings where we'll learn and discuss more about Buddhism and Life. This is split by the chapter and district we are in. I'm in Serangoon North Chapter, district 4, together with my parents! We normally have several platforms for our youths. We had a Chapter Friendship Gathering where we invite our friends to our center to know more about our Buddhism, and during then, our youths together put up and short skit and dance! We also have BBQ session to celebrate the success of our Chapter Friendship Gathering and also Pot Luk Session for our youths in SRN to bond more together!
ITAC
I was in ITAC from OCT 07 to JUN 09. ITAC is an institution that is under our Student Division [SD] in SSA. Student Division members consist of all tertiary students in Singapore, from all JCs, ITEs, Polys, to University and also Private Schools. ITAC stands for Institute of Technical, Arts and Commence, which consist of all the private schools in Singapore. In ITAC, we study intensively into Buddhism and our Mentor, Daisaku Ikeda. We also encourage our members and leaders to do our best in our studies and work, and become Future Leaders of the Intellectual World to lead people to happiness! ITACSD Blog
NYPSD
I've just transfered from ITAC to NYPSD during this year, June. NYPSD is another institution in SD. Our members and CICs [Campus-In-Charge] are students all studying in NYP! We usually meet up in NYP itself or SYC [Soka Youth Center] to study Buddhism, chant together, encourage each other and most importantly to create more values in our and other's life! Anyone that is studying in NYP and interested learn about Buddhism or wish to join our activities can feel free to contact me!
HCF
Hugs and Chatterbox Family is my clique when I was still in FD [Future Division, which consist of all the secondary school students]. The group started to formed in Dec 07. We mainly encourage each other thru Buddhism and dance together to perform. HCF had performed a spirit booster dance item for Chingay 07, hip hop dance for FDGM 08 [Future Division General Meeting] and SD Anniversary 08!
FLINT 1
FLINT stands for Future Leaders In Niche Training. It is a training course in FD [Future Division], which train us to be a better person and also to be future leaders of SSA. Currently FLINT have already come to the sixth batch and I'm proud to say that I'm in the first batch, which our trainings was during Feb 06 to May 06. But we didn't just stopped there. FLINT 1 has continued to do a project in FD Sports Meet during June 06, Ignites Concert during Aug 06, Reunion during Nov 07, Sensei's 80th Birthday Present Making during Dec 07, CNY Light Up Hip Hop Dance as Trainers during Nov 08 to Jan 09 and FLINT 1-5 Kenshu during Jan 09! And I strongly believe that, there'll be more to come!
Dynamo
Dynamo is a group in Chingay 07, where I get to know most of my best friends in Gakkai now! Even through, it wasn't a very long training period, but that time was definitely the best dance trainings I ever had. And up til now, we are still have reunion meet ups!
FD-Coaching
FD-Coaching is a Coaching Class started off by EngPeng, Jerry, Laura, Alvin, QiJun and me! It is an offical group in FD that fully in-charged by SD Students. The purpose to set up FD-Coaching is to help our juniors in their studies towards 'O/N' Levels, encourage them in from our own experiences and also bring them back to Faith. Currently FD-Coaching is in-charged by Ivan from NYPSD. For more information, please go, FD-Coaching Blog
DA02
DA02 is my class in NYP - School of Interactive and Digital Media - Digital Media Design (Animation) Course. Being the noisiest, most positive, cheerful and definitely most outrageous class in DMD(A). We have being complained by many lecturers during the first month of school. But now, we are proud to say that we do not receive anymore complains! Haha! I'm really happy to be in this class.